For as much as I wasn’t interested in dating in high school, I absolutely made up for it in college. Really, really made up for it. I looked at flirting as a sport, and I was playing at the professional level. I was absolutely shameless about it. To be honest, I still don’t regret it.
I vividly remember going to orientation and hearing a boy with an Irish accent two rows behind me which certainly got my attention, but unfortunately, we got put into different groups with our parents. At that point, I didn’t even know this boy’s name, and I still thought, “He is going to take me out one day.” My mom who noticed I was smitten reminded me that I was going to a large public university with well over 18,000 undergraduates. I was undeterred.
I went through my first week of classes where I learned Stats 1000 was far more bearable while sitting next to a junior guy who wasn’t actually that great at statistics but could maintain the flirty banter. Essentially, I sat next to the best looking guy I could find in any class that I thought would be boring. Introduction to Ethics and Piano for Beginners also earned me seats next to good-looking guys. Two birds. One stone. It was tempting to skip classes that I didn’t enjoy, but because I didn’t want to waste my valuable time flirting, I rarely skipped a class. While I went to enough parties, I preferred flirting in classes which is another story.
During the second week of my freshman year, I heard an Irish accent in the line behind me to get food. Though food did and often still does occupy a lot of my thoughts, I got out of line that day. I walked up to him, introduced myself, and told him he was going to ask me out to lunch or dinner. And that’s the story of how I met my husband. Kidding. The very sweet Irish boy did actually immediately ask me out, and we went out on two or three unremarkable dates. Apparently, a good accent wasn’t enough to build a relationship. Who would have thought? I don’t regret any of it because it taught me a very important lesson in the world of dating.
You can’t be the person who gets the guy/girl unless you put yourself out there. Walking up to my Irish accented crush, I had no idea if he was even available or straight. More importantly, I didn’t care because I realized the worst thing that could happen was that he would say “no” which would have been awkward for all of a few minutes before I resumed my day and flirtation rotation. There were guys I didn’t want to date over the years, and I said no when asked out which I think is the healthy option. I never saw the point of going out with someone I didn’t want to date just for the sake of it. We would be over before we started, and it would be a waste of my time and someone else’s feelings.
If you don’t want to date someone, you’re allowed to say no. Likewise, there is no rule saying that you can’t be the one to ask out a crush. If you are happy with yourself, I assure you that both saying and hearing “no” will not affect you. If one person’s rejection really does impact you, like the Brian McKnight song, you’re “Back at One,” which is learning to love yourself.