Things I Wish I Had Known #20: A Female Perspective On Things I Had to Learn the Hard Way in College

Most teenagers upon entering their first year of college will experiment with alcohol and random hookups and make lasting friendships with other students in the process. I did not push the limits of my introversion (or gain control of my crippling depression) until my senior year. While the timeline of social blossoming differs for everyone, I learned some valuable lessons by arriving literally and figuratively late to the party. Now that I am 27 years old, the following are my top five realizations about myself after graduating college.

1. You do not, do not, DO NOT have to justify your life timeline to anyone. If you want to take a year off before pursuing a graduate degree to travel or to work, do it. If you do not want to go to grad school or think you may want to wait a year or two, that is fine. Do not let others project their own shortcomings or failures onto you. You are both the writer and main character of your own life.

2. Have a little bit of faith whether that be in God, science, nature, or the alignment of stars in the universe. Keep in mind that often what seems to be unbearably tragic circumstances happen for a reason, which may not be visible immediately.

3. Cut off the dead ends. Follow that rule for your hair and for your relationships. Do not keep people around if they are toxic. I struggled to let go of people who were not contributing to my growth because I knew I would lose some close friends in the process. In the end, it is necessary for your progression as a person.

4. You do not have to meet your soulmate in college. Number four is especially relevant to those planning on attending or are currently attending a small liberal arts college, I have many friends who met their now spouses at a fraternity party or through a sport. Honestly, who doesn’t love a fairytale ending of going back to campus to take engagement photos or having your baby decked out in collegiate attire of the place that brought you two together? Everyone has a different story, and your chapter on love does not have to end in college.

5. You may have to let him/her go. Taking a note from number four, I thought I would marry one of my best guy friends, who roomed with my college best friend. We partied together, worked out together, sang together, you name it. Sexual chemistry can addict you like a drug if you’re not careful. “I love you” flowed naturally from our lips. We never officially dated, and following the years after graduation, we still flirted daily over Snapchat, but the timing never seemed right. For him, I was his confidant, the one to hold him up when he drank too much, the one to roast, and the one to make pick-me-up gifts when he felt sad. I sacrificed my own emotional needs for him, which even the strongest, most independent woman will do when she thinks that she is in love. Number five is the lesson I put off learning for the longest. I did not want to say goodbye. I did not want to accept that I had become Olivia Rodigo in Déjà Vu. I did not want to swallow my pride and accept that he met a woman, other than me, with whom he wants to marry. The fairy tale of finding The One in college had to end. Neither one of us could have healthy relationships with the nature of our communication. Eventually, I wrote him a long text message making my peace with the situation. Then, I blocked him. My advice is do what you must do to get the closure you need. In the words of Chris Ferreiras, “time won’t heal what you don’t make time to face.”

My bonus piece of advice is to make the memory. The spontaneous 2 AM Taco Bell Run or a concert in the city on a Tuesday night will be the type of memories you cherish most when looking back on your favorite collegiate memories. The reality of graduation is that you may not see your best friends for years after graduating. Before you know it, you’re booking an impulsive week trip to San Diego two years post-graduation and staying in a hostel with four other bunk mates to be able to meet your best friend for a two-hour dinner the night before you fly home. But, that may just be me.

Written by Emily Golling