In future history textbooks, COVID-19 will certainly be covered. While I doubt I could ever forget the pandemic if I tried, 2020-2021 will also stay in my mind as the year I embraced Adam Sandler’s style: t-shirts, hoodies, sweatpants, running shorts, etc. Prior to the pandemic, I was wholeheartedly a prep in how I dressed. Truly, my psychiatrist made me purposefully mismatch my clothes in my mid 20s as an adventure in giving up control. I was miserable the whole time, but I did it. Likewise, I always was terrible at mismatch days during Spirit Week as a teacher. Students roasted me for it, but I didn’t take it personally because they were right. For my first few years of teaching, I almost exclusively wore white and black dress clothes. It's very hard to mismatch when those two colors dominate your closet. Some people think painting your fingernails black is some type of goth statement; I would argue that black goes with everything. Even now, if I look at my toenails, they are painted black. They are always painted black.
Then, the pandemic happened. For the first time since I wore a school uniform at 14 years old, it suddenly didn’t matter what I wore. For Zoom and Google Meets, other people are basically only seeing me from the chest up all of the time, and with orders coming in from everywhere to stay at home as much as possible, it didn’t make sense to me to go through my normal routine of dressing up for the day. Also, I always figured if God got to rest on Sunday, there was absolutely never a need for me to put on makeup or dress up on Sundays. Suddenly, every day was a Sunday, and I started to pick comfort over fashion everyday. For the entirety of the summer, I embraced a 100+ book club t-shirt that I have had since I was six years old. It was an XL then. It took awhile for it to fit me. Eventually, like everyone else, not talking to many people started to drive me insane. FaceTime quickly became my friend. Inevitably, someone would ask what the t-shirt I was wearing said.
For years, I have joked that Under Armour, J.Crew, and Loft should pay me for the amount of their clothes that I wear. While I am most certainly a prep in dress, I truly hate shopping in stores. I inherited my father’s penchant for getting a headache and being hungry immediately upon entry to the mall. Part of my brand loyalty is based on knowing which clothes hold up well, but the other part is based on the fact that I know what size I am in all of those stores which means I can order everything online. My credit card and I love online shopping. As time passed, I found myself telling people things my shirt said and realizing some of them didn’t have any particular meaning to me. I have a sweatshirt that says “Hot Cocoa.” It’s adorable, but I can count the number of times I have drank hot cocoa in the past decade on one hand. Likewise, I have a t-shirt that says, “Everyday is the weekend when you don’t care.” I appreciate the idea behind it, but I do nothing but care. Even when I’m actively trying not to care, I still do. Finally, I have a shirt that reads, “Good Vibes.” I purchased this shirt solely for the pockets and charcoal gray color that was missing from my wardrobe. In general, I’m not a “vibes” person whatsoever. Even if I was, I don’t think I would look back on the past year and think, “those times were filled with good vibes.” Also, if I'm misusing "vibes," I apologize. I sincerely don't use it.
Simultaneously, the pandemic gave me time to think. Sometimes, too much time to think. I want to say it was around August that I had what I like to call my pandemic meltdown. I absorb other people’s feelings very easily. In case you have been living under a rock, there wasn’t a paucity of loneliness, fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger in 2020, and I absorbed all of it. By the end of August, it was too much. The news and social media started to trigger panic attacks, and I was just in a bad headspace. Part of pulling myself out of that meant that I had to focus on what issues meant the most to me because it is just not possible to support every cause in a meaningful way. I landed on mental health and women’s rights.
I have the most life experience and education surrounding those issues. I write about the topics frequently. One of the best gifts I have received in the past year was a crocheted pattern of RBG with the phrasing, "Never underestimate the power of a woman with a book." I love it.
Realistically, quite a bit of what I wear, and most people wear, is free advertising. There is a reason why brands find a way to incorporate their logo on clothing. If I'm going to be a walking advertisement, I might as well be a walking advertisement for issues that actually matter. With that in mind, I started K.A. Coleman Creates. Right now, I have two designs up on Tee Public. If you follow my blog, you'll know why I want to reclaim the word "enough" and how I think we need to be a little more open about talking about what constitutes as consent. My plan is to do one new design on a monthly or bimonthly basis.
There are more projects I'm excited about and looking forward to being able to talk about in the future, but for now, I will happily choose my "You're > Enough" t-shirt over my "Good Vibes" one. I wish I I had known that it's not enough to take a stance in your mind but never say it aloud. I wish I had known that mental health and consent aren't political issues. I wish I had known how to be braver and more outspoken for those who can't be as a teenager and a young adult.
https://www.teepublic.com/user/k-a-coleman
Comments