I'm not entirely sure what makes me so reticent to show any emotion around most people. It could be my Irish Catholic upbringing. It could be the schools I attended. It could very well just be my own personality at work, but in general, whenever I have a feeling bubbling at the surface, I do what I do best: bury them as deep as possible. To be honest, I have moments where I'm a little too good at hiding some of my actual emotions.
With that said, publishing a poetry collection is a little problematic for someone who doesn't show emotions and spent half of her life avoiding poetry. If I had to make a list of scary things I have done, publishing this collection of poems would be extremely high on it. When I published my first novel, people mistakenly assumed I was the main character. Spoiler alert. I didn't model that character after me. She is something conjured up from my imagination; it's definitely not based on actual life events.
With poetry, I know it's even easier to believe that the poems were taken from my life experiences. It makes me far more vulnerable. The feeling of grief in the poems is absolutely real because I apparently do my best writing when I'm impossibly sad or angry. We grieve for many things throughout our lives, not just those who aren't here anymore. Does it make me anxious to have this collection released? Yes, obviously, yet I did it anyway. If my walk through the trenches of grief has taught me anything, it's that life is for the living, and I refuse to live a scared existence.
More than anything, I hope you find one poem you like or relate to on some level because grieving isn't a solitary sport. You're not alone in your uncertainties and sadness. With that said, I'm incredibly proud of the poetry because I managed to mix genres in an interesting way. I would love to hear your feedback.
I dedicated the book to all of my former students as I don't know who I would be without 15 years in the classroom, but I don't think that person would be nearly as strong, compassionate, or self-assured. Thank you for everything.
https://tinyurl.com/uz8upx5r