The sound of heartbreak
is the pain screaming in my chest
emptiness and fear swirling from my stomach to my head
The sounds of heartbreak are the voices questioning my ego
coming to terms that I will never reach perfection for myself or anyone else, and the real closure I may never get to know
The sounds of heartbreak
are my thoughts demanding I have to give up when feelings seem to expire
like I will never live another day feeling true happiness or desire
The sounds of heartbreak
are the expectations that I have on others
and when they don't meet these projections, my resentment toward them falls back on my lap, as I bury the frustration with myself under the covers
The sound of heartbreak
is the narrative if I just gave them all of my body and less of my imperfections that they'd want me
These thoughts mutate and become so real that I can see
The sounds of heartbreak
are the whispers of temptation to pull the trigger
as the pain of the now makes me think I will always feel sicker
The sound of heartbreak
is knowing no matter what I do or what I say, my words may not change another's mind,
without their approval, I think I will never shine and our voices may never be aligned in our lifetimes
The sound of heartbreak
is the begging for reassurance
the departure of constant validation from an external source
The sound of heartbreak
is knowing someone may not feel what I feel back
knowing it will take a while after for me to be with myself and relax
The sound of heartbreak
is analyzing every detail of my feelings
doubting that anything good in my life will last and is real, battling my mind so long that I become paralyzed and can't seem to notice the healing
The sound of heartbreak
is the realization that I will not be taking the easy way out
that promises around us may die with the flowers and to move forward I have to learn and have the grit to sit with the feelings of doubt
It is so hard to tell myself what voice is mine
It is so hard to accept the unknown future of my growing vine
I tell myself I can't go on unless everything I want is mine
It feels so hard to believe that I will be just fine
and heartbreak won't define
the rest of my life
reality and my thoughts becoming intertwined
until the end of time
And this whole time
it was me breaking my own heart
believing the narrative that I am only falling apart
without someone else defining me from the start
I broke my heart first
always questioning my worth
so much so until I would burst
Ego entertained my mind but then tore me apart
fingernail by fingernail
unraveling the strands of my brain
tearing through what I thought and believed was the truth
Heartbreak takes a constant effort to repair
grows with me even when I try to wash it out of my hair
to accept that I will not always take the easy way out
break apart from my addiction to the thoughts that pin me to the ground
Heartbreak takes a constant effort to repair
Happens over and over again, running through my lungs like air
the sound of heartbreak is in my stare and voice
with the disappointment and rejection in myself
doubting every choice
The pain of my ego being pounded to the floor
over and over again is the reality of being human and walking into exposure, out the door
With heartbreak, the pain can become so unbearable, all I want to do is escape it
I always thought it was another person breaking my heart
but heartbreak for me is coming to terms with the reality when I painted a picture that I defined myself to be, interpretive art
To not feel the need to fix them is to love someone else
To know you're enough when you feel you don't have enough is to love yourself
Submitted by Julia Ruggiero
**Note: If you are having suicidal thoughts or struggling with depression, you owe it to yourself, the people who already love you, and the people who will love you to get help.**
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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